Remember that feeling you would get when you were a kid of something happening that was so exciting that you couldn't sleep the night before? For me it was the night before Six Flags each year.  I remember one particular sleep over at a friend's house in JR High, we stayed up all night doing each other's make-up (and when I say doing each other's make up, it wasn't pretty - boy I wish I had pictures of that!) and then we were up, dressed, ready to go and waiting outside HOURS before my sister-in-law was to pick us up.  Ahh, I have that feeling again!  Something so exciting is happening that I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest.  After a long year apart Hubby is on his way home.  The excitement is almost more than I can bear.  

Along with all that excitement comes so many more feelings, thoughts and questions that run through my head....Here is a sample of what goes through my head as my spouse returns from war: 

*What will I wear to the reunion?
*Will he still think I am beautiful, I mean this deployment has taken it out of me, I have more wrinkles than I could ever imagine, I'm not at my perfect weight, I can't seem to get rid of those dark circles under my eyes, and THANK GOD for hair color!
*Oh gosh, the house has to be perfect...."Don't walk on the floors!"
*Crap, I have to clean off the desktop of our computer - he can't stand all my files being right out in the open.
*What will the kids wear?
*How will he adjust to being in such a rambunctious house after living in a chew all by himself for over a year?
*I really need to get the tires on his jeep rotated.
*I wonder how much he has changed. 
*I hope I haven't changed too much.
*What will I fix for dinner on his first night here?
*Will things between us be weird?
*Will he mess with the A/C? I hope he remembers how cold I like to keep the house.
*OH CRAP, I can't remember his favorite soda....Diet Coke, or Diet Cherry Coke?
*WHY can't I find Singha in this God forsaken town?!?!?  That is all the man has asked for!
*Will we mold back together as parents and have a united front as we once did?
*Will the kids play us against each other?
*Why do my children seem so calm when I feel like I could have a panic attack at any moment?  Is something wrong with them, or me?
*I just said "my children" - oh no, what does that mean?  Am I too independant?
*Why am I sitting at this computer when I should be cleaning?
*I'm used to living alone, being the boss, how is he going to fit back into our family?
*I really need to fill those picture frames hanging on the wall.
*I really need a manicure and pedicure, but I don't think I will have time.
*OH, I really need to shave my legs.
*Will the kids like him more than they like me?
*Will he be happy to be home or will he want to run away?
*Will I be happy to have him home or will I want to run away?
*Will friends and family understand that we need and want family time without having people tugging at us from all different directions?
*Will he still love me?

Isn't that crazy?! I can't believe I (and so many other spouses) put myself through this, but each and every time Hubby deploys for extended periods of time I go through these feelings of happiness, excitement, uneasiness and straight up fear!   I know everything will be fine. It may or may not be a tough adjustment (every deployment is different), but I know we will make it through another reintegration cycle.  As it says at the top of my blog, we are....
Army Family, Army Strong.  

4/16/2012 06:05:23 am

I am so stressed out all of a sudden it feels like i have soooo much to do to get ready! Still i am pretty excited!

4/16/2012 06:10:53 am

you are beautiful, strong, independent, a great parent, a wonderful cook, and an amazing army wife! he loves all of those things about you and it's why he married YOU!! such an exciting and scary time...i can't pretend to know anything about this (other than what you've told me!) but i know you guys will do great, as always! love you!!

4/16/2012 06:48:30 am

Oh so true Trish, every last word! We are lucky in a way too because we get to experience that first kiss more than once in our relationship and the butterflies are the same as the ones from the first date, there's nothing in the world like getting to fall in love all over again :-)

4/16/2012 06:50:09 am

So honest! I'm excited for you and your group. Find time for the pedicure at least it'll help you relax!

4/16/2012 06:50:56 am

I love how you are able to articulate so wonderfully the way so many of us spouses feel when deployments are coming to an end. You are an awesome woman and I know everything will be great for you! Congrats on conquering another deployment in high class!

4/16/2012 07:24:45 am

Wow Trish. This is really awesome. I have a feeling your Hubby is feeling some of the same things....well, maybe a couple of them

4/16/2012 07:25:33 am

HA! I think he is thinking: I can't wait to see my wife and kids and sleep in my own bed. (And really, I think that is it. :o)

4/16/2012 07:26:04 am

And to think I was the only one not sleeping last night lol? Tomorrow we should have a date to the nail salon!

4/16/2012 09:28:06 am

So glad this year is coming to an end, and I am sure you will weather all of these questions and issues with grace, class, and your unfailing sense of humor. Hoping you will have the time and space you need for your family to pick back up the threads of daily life together. Wishing you a smooth and peaceful transition!

4/16/2012 09:29:26 pm

Thank you! :o)

4/16/2012 10:49:36 am

After reading this, I just added some items to my list. :-). I've even apologized to my co-workers, kids and friends for being an ocd bipolar psycho these last couple of days. My days have been planned out by each hour.... I think I'm a little off my rocker with excitement, fear and over all relief. Thanks Trish for sharing so many of your experiences - truly an inspiration to me. ;-)

4/16/2012 09:28:50 pm

I'm so sorry if I helped add to your list Sara, but you added to mine too.....I need to apologize to a few people! :o) Thanks for the kind words.


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