Reintegration Butterflies

Remember that feeling you would get when you were a kid of something happening that was so exciting that you couldn't sleep the night before? For me it was the night before Six Flags each year.  I remember one particular sleep over at a friend's house in JR High, we stayed up all night doing each other's make-up (and when I say doing each other's make up, it wasn't pretty - boy I wish I had pictures of that!) and then we were up, dressed, ready to go and waiting outside HOURS before my sister-in-law was to pick us up.  Ahh, I have that feeling again!  Something so exciting is happening that I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest.  After a long year apart Hubby is on his way home.  The excitement is almost more than I can bear.  

Along with all that excitement comes so many more feelings, thoughts and questions that run through my head....Here is a sample of what goes through my head as my spouse returns from war: 

*What will I wear to the reunion?
*Will he still think I am beautiful, I mean this deployment has taken it out of me, I have more wrinkles than I could ever imagine, I'm not at my perfect weight, I can't seem to get rid of those dark circles under my eyes, and THANK GOD for hair color!
*Oh gosh, the house has to be perfect...."Don't walk on the floors!"
*Crap, I have to clean off the desktop of our computer - he can't stand all my files being right out in the open.
*What will the kids wear?
*How will he adjust to being in such a rambunctious house after living in a chew all by himself for over a year?
*I really need to get the tires on his jeep rotated.
*I wonder how much he has changed. 
*I hope I haven't changed too much.
*What will I fix for dinner on his first night here?
*Will things between us be weird?
*Will he mess with the A/C? I hope he remembers how cold I like to keep the house.
*OH CRAP, I can't remember his favorite soda....Diet Coke, or Diet Cherry Coke?
*WHY can't I find Singha in this God forsaken town?!?!?  That is all the man has asked for!
*Will we mold back together as parents and have a united front as we once did?
*Will the kids play us against each other?
*Why do my children seem so calm when I feel like I could have a panic attack at any moment?  Is something wrong with them, or me?
*I just said "my children" - oh no, what does that mean?  Am I too independant?
*Why am I sitting at this computer when I should be cleaning?
*I'm used to living alone, being the boss, how is he going to fit back into our family?
*I really need to fill those picture frames hanging on the wall.
*I really need a manicure and pedicure, but I don't think I will have time.
*OH, I really need to shave my legs.
*Will the kids like him more than they like me?
*Will he be happy to be home or will he want to run away?
*Will I be happy to have him home or will I want to run away?
*Will friends and family understand that we need and want family time without having people tugging at us from all different directions?
*Will he still love me?

Isn't that crazy?! I can't believe I (and so many other spouses) put myself through this, but each and every time Hubby deploys for extended periods of time I go through these feelings of happiness, excitement, uneasiness and straight up fear!   I know everything will be fine. It may or may not be a tough adjustment (every deployment is different), but I know we will make it through another reintegration cycle.  As it says at the top of my blog, we are....
Army Family, Army Strong.