For a few days anyway......We have done this reintegration thing 3 times. This time is our 4th time. I thought we had it down pat. I was wrong. Hubby came home and all was good for 4 whole days. Then it hit, the rough patch came and it threw me for a loop. What the heck? We are old hats at this. Typically we don't even fight, and we especially don't fight 4 days after Hubby gets home from war. What is going on in my perfect little world? I am crushed, not only were we fighting, but it was so bad I was ready to send him back to Afghanistan and I'm serious. Girl was so upset that when I went to tuck her in she was crying and begging me to stop fighting with her Daddy - she didn't sleep much that night and neither did I. What were we fighting about you ask? Stupid shit. Seriously. Stupid S H I T. He felt like I did too much while he was gone and that I was too controlling (HELLO - I've been the only adult here for a year, yes, I'm controlling and while you were away did you forget I am Type A?). I hated that he came home and went straight to work on the house - cleaning out stuff and trying to take charge when all I wanted him to do was sit back and hang out with me and the kids. I wanted him to have a little down time, relax and have fun! I wanted to stare at him, touch him and savor the moments. What is wrong with him I thought - why doesn't he want to spend every second with his family? I was hurt and crushed and quite honestly I wasn't being very nice about it.
That is when I had to take a look at myself and remember a few things:
1. - He is the boss at work. When he tells the children what to do, they look at me to make sure it is OK and then I give them the nod. This can't be a good feeling for him.
2. - He has been living by himself for 1 year. Seriously, think about that. He has lived by himself for 1 year, and then he is thrown back into this crazy life of 4 kids, a wife and a dog. Even though it is good stuff can you imagine? He can never get away. Someone is always hanging on him demanding his attention because he is like a new toy to us. We can't get enough of him. We want to love on him, ask questions and just be near him - CONSTANTLY. Geezs, if I were him I would fake going to work! No joke!
3. - He rarely had to report to people. Now all of a sudden I'm asking him all kinds of questions, telling him he needs to be here for this, and there for that, don't forget that so and so needs this.... and I'm constantly asking him where he is going what he is doing, blah, blah, blah....this has got to make him insane.
4. - Not only is reintegration hard, but let's throw an overseas move on top of it, just because we can. I'll be surprised if we are still married after all is said and done. (I'm just joking, back off ladies, I still love and adore him! ;-)
5. INTJ. He is an INTJ on the Meyers Briggs Personality test....I'm an ESFJ. If you know anything about Meyers Briggs, you will know that an ESFJ is a bit much for an INTJ at any given moment, not to mention during reintegration. My emotions and feelings are hanging right out there on my sleeve, on his sleeve, really on anyone's sleeve that will listen. INTJ's well, not so much.
So why do I tell you all this? For those young military wives that think they are alone in this, you are not. I'm a (cough) "seasoned" wife and I've been around this block a few times and it is different every single time! We all have our ups and downs. Life is hard no matter who you are or what path you are on. You just need to keep your shoulders back, chin up and move forward! (A good friend told me this just today!) I'm in it for the long haul and if that means I need to take a look at myself and change a few things then that is what I am willing to do. I am SO honored and SO proud to live this Army life with the love of my life ~ even when the road gets bumpy.....