We are still about ten weeks out from deployment.  Ten weeks. To some that may sounds like a long time, to me I'm afraid to blink ~ I'm afraid if I do then those ten weeks will be gone. If feels as if someone has hit the fast forward button on my life and no matter how much begging I do they won't take their finger off that button. I've (we) been through this before, this time it shouldn't be that hard.  In fact I have convinced myself that this deployment will be easier.  Like I said, we have all been through this before and the kids are all at a better age.  That is what I tell myself.  However, the insomnia I have been having over the last two weeks is telling me a different story.  I tell myself that Boy 1 is at a good place.  Although he is 14 and he going to start driving while his daddy is gone, life will be OK.  He is a good kid, makes good grades and adores his siblings even if he doesn't express it the way I would like to see it on a daily basis.  However if anyone messes with his siblings he has no problem having a little 'come to Jesus' meeting with them.  I hate the pressure this upcoming deployment will put on him.  I already see him stepping into that 'protector' role. Girl, oh Girl.  She is daddy's little girl. She adores that man.  Even when daddy goes TDY (temporary duty station, business trip for you civilians) for a week, she cries.  Last deployment she would just break out in tears at the strangest of moments and when I ask why she would say through sobs, "I miss Daddy".  I expect nothing less of her this next deployment.  Boy 2 ~ oh how I worry about this boy.  He has already started biting his nails down so low they bleed. With deployment looming and being talked about more in our house these past few weeks he has voiced many times that he doesn't want his daddy to go.   Last deployment not only did he bite his nails but he also lost perfect little circle patches of hair.  The doctor and hairdresser both told me it was stress related.  At least this deployment he is verbalizing a little better.  I hope this helps him.  Boy 3 ~ I don't think he fully gets it yet.  He was so young during the last deployment it didn't seem to faze him as much as the other children.  I have no idea what to expect from him.  As for me I will take care of my personal family first and my Army family second.  I will have lots of sleepless nights. I will send lots of care packages.  I will miss my husband so much it will physically hurt.   I will call my battle buddy in the middle of the night. I will go nowhere without my phone.  I will always answer my phone even when in a store (for those of you that know me, know I cannot stand this). My phone will become a part of me. I will know which restaurant has kids eat free night, every night of the week.   I will stay inanely busy.  I will cry, I will laugh, I will sing, I will scream.  I will be so tired that sleep will become my friend. ( I can only hope.) I will stay Army Strong.
Jefanna Tipton
2/10/2011 08:35:35 pm

You are strong...in that emotional way. Love you.

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Mary
2/10/2011 08:47:31 pm

This brought tears to my eyes. Your military sisters will help you through...my biggest regret right now is that I didn't go on to Ft. Hood with my husband. Something about being near those that understand that makes deployment so much easier. Stay strong...Army Strong!

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Krish Dhanam
2/10/2011 08:52:16 pm

Sometimes it is worthy to see the life of a warrior thorugh the emotion of the those that pray for him, cherish him, miss him, love him and care for him. We are honored for the roles that you play to perfection and humbled that you so willingly perform them. Blessings to you and yours.

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Rachel
2/10/2011 09:08:40 pm

I can not imagine how very hard this is for all of you. Let's plan some refuge time to get away this summer. I miss you all very much. Your family will be in our prayers. With tears in my eyes. I love you girlie!!!!!

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Marcie Jones
2/10/2011 09:42:55 pm

Trish,
My heart goes out to you and your family, both personal and Army. Your post touched my heart and I teared up. I will keep you and J in my prayers at night. While our deployment will be drawing to an end, it will be hampered a bit nowing that friends will having to say goodbye to their loved ones. God Bless You, you are a strong and wonderful woman!

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Tim
2/10/2011 10:17:20 pm

Hang in there your a strong woman with a strong family, our family appreciates your families service, not just his but your whole family.

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Julie
2/10/2011 10:20:05 pm

Beautiful...and so real. I understand every word, even though my children are at totally different seasons of life. I honestly think each deployment gets harder...because you KNOW what to expect, and you have nothing left to prove. But I also think these next 10 weeks will be some of the hardest...the anxiety and anticipation and clock ticking in your ear. Once he leaves, the only clock ticking is for his return. Praying for you and your sweet family.

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Jana
2/10/2011 10:23:55 pm

I can only imagine what you and your familiy goes through. I didn't realize he was being deployed again. Thank you for sharing because it helps us that haven't been through this to understand.

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Kayla
2/10/2011 10:46:21 pm

~aww my sweet friend~deployments stink we all know that. Never fear though; shopping therapy and wine makes little improvesions:)

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Lara
2/10/2011 10:50:01 pm

Ugh, Trish...thinking about you and your sweet family...I think Staci and I will just have to do our best to try to distract you with as many schoolday lunch and shopping dates as possible. ;-) I know you have much that has to be done over the next 10 weeks, but you can call me whenever, too, if you ever need a backup "battle buddy." So glad I'll get to see you Monday - I know it's got to be hard to take time to do something like that, with everything you've got going on, but I'm looking forward to it and it'll be a fun day!

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George
2/10/2011 10:52:06 pm

Thinking about you and your family...

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Janice
2/10/2011 11:03:48 pm

You amaze me constantly with your strength and courage my sweet friend!! You know I'm always up for a chat and you can come crash for the weekend anytime!! I loveyou guys and will be praying for jer's safe return and you familys peace while he's away!!

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Donna
2/10/2011 11:06:00 pm

:( However, I do know somebody in your past who would be insanely happy about answering your phone all the time! If you ever need anything you know where to find me. If the lights are on at the back off my house I am awake. If I am not awake, wake me up!

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Laura
2/11/2011 02:01:13 am

trish, you are incredibly strong and i don't doubt that your strength will shine this upcoming year. i am always here if you need someone to talk to or need help with the kids or just about anything.

you got this, girl! :)

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2/11/2011 07:22:13 am

ARMY FIT ! ARMY STRONG ! That is was I love about you and this life.

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Tammy
2/11/2011 10:50:45 am

Trish I am crying and praying for you!

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Mary
2/11/2011 10:57:05 am

Trish...I am glad to see all the uplifting and support comments. Sometimes, as "senior wives," I think that we are just supposed to suck it all and be a tough Army wife. I am tough, but that doesn't mean that I don't need a few words of encouragment too. I am glad to see you getting such a great response to this blog. There have been a few times that I moaned about Fred's deployment before we left Korea and I was hurt by some of the comments I got back. Basically, it was just a "suck it up" kind of attitude."

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Trish
2/11/2011 11:05:58 am

Thank you Mary. I have actually been SHOCKED at the response! I wrote that in the wee hours of the morning, when sleep was evading me. These were the things I was (and have been) thinking about and almost DID NOT post because I almost felt like it sounded as if I were complaining, even though I was not. I'm considering being a bit more open to "my public" about deployment because of the response. I don't know....

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Tricia
2/11/2011 11:08:32 am

I've felt so many of those things too. I thought this second deployment for us would be easier and I would just bite my lip and get through it but that only works for so long. It is hardest on my son Patton too.. the hardest is seeing your kid struggle without their dad..breaks your heart:( Call or FB me anytime you need a virtual coffee or wine girls date!

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2/13/2011 09:50:41 am

Oh Trish, I love you, I wish I could give you a great big hug right now! I know that you, your hubby and the kids will all get through this, you are such a strong family. I will be praying for you and your family until he gets back to you guys safely. Love you!

Mary Pavek

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Christy Sakelaris
2/17/2011 09:41:38 am

Trish
My dear friend, you have put me to tears with this and I wish I was closer to give you big hugs and let you know that we are all here for you. I cannot imagine going through this, but you are such an amazing, strong, beautiful, funny, witty, adorable and loving person, I know you will get through this. Be the great mom that you are and your children will be better for it. Love you tons and cannot wait to see you!!

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Staci
2/17/2011 10:32:00 pm

Teared up on this as well. Sorry, words cannot explain. Love you always...

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Melinda
2/18/2011 03:13:19 pm

OMG!!! I teared up reading this. Thank you so much for sharing. I don't think me..(women)..outside of army realize what y'all go through. I am amazed by your strength!!! But, just remember if you get down or just feel like you are not being strong, it is ok!!! Like I said earlier...I am a phone call away and I will gladly come stay the weekend with you! Love you and many hugs!!!! I will pray for your husband and his troop while he is gone...for everyone to have a safe return!!!

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